The Inner Sanctum
Jeff over at "No Ma'am, this IS my job" must be reading my mind. At the very least, he stole a peek at my notepad where I jot down ideas to write about in my blog. First came his entry about Men's Rooms which I also wrote about on almost the same day, and now this. Oh well...
Thursdays are Quinn's gymnastics class days. I used to take her to an early morning class with about 20 other children. That basically translates to 19 moms and me in the waiting area, which translates even further into 18 moms in the small room with windows where you can watch your kids from, 1 mom talking outside the whole time on her cell phone, and me..., sitting alone by the cubbies watching Grace chew on all the toys in the lost and found. I can hear them talking, and they're all talking about things I completely understand and can relate to, but for some reason I don't feel welcome to join in. I don't even dare wander near the observation room unless Grace happens to run in there, and when I do I'm like the drop of Dawn dishwashing liquid in the pan of grease. They don't give me dirty looks or anything, it's just that as much as I want to be treated like one of them..., I'm not. To them, I'm a dad - not a mom - and I guess that means I'm different.
I've noticed, however, that this behavior is only apparent when they're in large groups. Packs of women tend to ignore me, but if there are only one or two of them, I can usually break into the conversation and from then on, they accept me into their tribe (suddenly I feel like Marlin Perkins from Wild Kingdom). Once they take the time to talk to me, they usually find that we have a lot in common. I've even had a mom thrilled that, as a man, I could relate to what she was saying. Her mouth practically fell open when I told her that I sometimes took my kids to the mall to go shopping..., by myself! The expression on her face made it obvious how her husband would NEVER do something like that.
I actually consider myself to be one of the "moms." A mom with testicles, but a mom nonetheless. I want to be part of the group, but what makes a group of women different from just one or two in a room? Why won't you let me in?!
3 Comments:
Who are these dads that would never take their children out alone? Every dad I know is an 'involved' dad.
Does that say something about the woman who would mate with a man who would never....?
ugh!
Oh yeah. Tag, you're it.
http://thebeansdad.blogspot.com/2005/10/dern-it-all.html
I'm not sure I understand this whole group-mom-mentality thing, either. I tried going to a playgroup for a while with my two children and at first I felt pretty welcome. I got the "oh, we're so glad you're here!" from the group leaders, but that was kind of about it. Everyone seemed to know everyone else already and I did talk to a few moms on their own and that always went well, but the group as a whole didn't feel welcoming. And it's not as though I'm shy. I made a concerted effort over weeks, but in the end it just didn't seem worth it. It felt kind of like high school all over. I think girls tend to be kind of clicky, whether they want to admit it or not. I only had very few close friends that were girls and a larger group of male friends that I actually related better too. They were more laid back, less likely to get upset easily and kind of more fun. Of course the female friends I've had and kept are kind of the same way, so I think it's just a personality thing. Just know that there are some moms out there who can relate with how you feel!
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