What Should I Think?

I probably wrote about my older daughter's friend in my previous blog, but in case I didn't here's a quick recap...

Quinn made a good friend her first year in preschool. Eventually, once I got to know the mom better, I suggested getting the girls together outside of school. Mom thought it was a great idea, but wasn't I surprised when she dropped her daughter off at our house and left to go run errands. I assumed she was going to stay with her daughter - the two of us would have a cup of coffee while the girls played. But what did I know? Quinn's my first and her friend's the younger of two girls, so her mom had been through this before and probably thought it fine to drop her off and run. I, however, was not prepared to leave my daughter at someone else's house.

The following week, the mom suggested getting together again - this time at their house. I came over with my daughters, but mom almost insisted I leave. "Go have some time to yourself," she said. Although against my better judgment, I left for about a half hour, then came back and stayed the rest of the time.

A few more weeks went by and I felt comfortable enough to leave Quinn at their house for a couple of hours at a time. But then one day Quinn said something when I wasn't home that upset my wife. Let's just say it referenced her private parts and a euphemism that my wife and I have never heard before. When asked where she heard that, Quinn said, "My friend's mommy." My wife called me at work in a panic, and we decided to confront the mom. She said she had no idea why Quinn would say something like that, but needless to say, we decided no more unsupervised visits.

[I could actually elaborate quite a bit on this person and our feeling toward her, but I would be here all night. Let's just say that we can't wait until next year because her daughter is in a different school district, and they won't see each other anymore.]

There were some other things about this mom that made us a little uneasy, and over time, we let Quinn see this friend less and less. Summer came and went, and Quinn was only over there 2 or 3 times, each time with one of us present. We never saw or heard anything unusual.

So a new school year starts and Quinn's all excited to see her friend again, but I really resist her begging to go over. Every day, it was tears when I said she couldn't go to her friends house. But again, as the weeks went by, I figured there wasn't any harm in letting her visit as long as I was with her. So me and both of my daughters went over a few times. Again, each time I was there, they played well together and mom and I just sat at the kitchen table talking and drinking coffee.

This brings us to today. Mom asks if it's okay if Quinn comes over for a visit and that she would drop her off when she goes to get her older daughter (she's 6) from school. I say fine. A couple of hours later, her van pulls up, Quinn jumps out as happy as can be and I say, "Thanks..., see you next week at school." I ask Quinn if she had fun and she says yes.

So I get a phone call at work from my wife who tells me that Quinn said, "I don't think my friend likes me anymore." My wife asks why. My daughter replies, "Because she won't wipe me anymore." She then goes on to say that her friend put a diaper on her. Quinn does NOT need help going to the bathroom and hasn't since before she went to preschool. Needless to say, my wife is a little frieked out again.

Quinn's been telling little lies recently. Nothing big, but she's making things up. Of course, we've told her how and why it's not good do lie, but now we're not sure what to believe. I know that sometimes the girls play with dolls and they put diapers on them. I also know that I have specifically told the girls mom that Quinn can use the toilet by herself (their toilet is in the same room as their washer and dryer, which is between the living room and the kitchen and doesn't have a door that's open all the time - strange, I know). Is Quinn just mushing things together?

My wife thinks it's the friend, not the mom. She doesn't like her. She has an older sister. She talks back to her mom and gets away with a lot of crap that I would never tolerate from my daughters. Sometimes Quinn will say things after she's spent time with her that I know she wouldn't have said otherwise. It's all about control. I want to control my children for as long as I can, but I know at some point, they're going to be free to make their own decisions. They're going to have to deal with pressure from friends, and all I can do at that point is hope I did my job. I remember my parents revealing to me how when I was younger, I had a few friends they didn't like and they just had to hope I would do the right things (I did). I guess I just didn't think I would have to worry about this when my daughter was only 4-years-old.

So now I'm struggling with what to do next. Confront the mom again? Never allow my daughter to play with her best friend? (I've actually been encouraging her to make some new friends at school - one of who lives right up the street). Obviously, we're back to me staying at the friend's house..., no more unsupervised visits.

I just don't know what to do or what to believe. Anyone been through something similar before?